Do you ever feel like you could be write about something even if the world thinks you’re wrong?
I’ve always been labeled as the undesirable, the one who will never get to be friends with nice people. And I’ve accepted as the truth.
It always hurts to be described that way, especially by people who you think have a good image of you, only to find out you were wrong.
Maybe I’m not always as right as I think I am, but as one grows older and learns more, I’ve found out that you can always think of yourself as right even though batallions of people disagree with you.
But if no one’s ever ready to listen, it might not matter at all. You may not matter at all.
And that’s not okay at all. But I do dream that one day, I’ll be considered as right, and maybe I won’t get so depressed by then.
Tonight, I’m writing real time regarding something that happened earlier this evening—something that is ultimately regrettable.
As I haven’t been updating, I am in Cebu City with my mother. We’re on a weekend vacation, and supposed to leave tomorrow.
Before we left for familiar land though, something happened that has brought me depressingly down.
At around 9 PM, my mom and I rode a jeepney going to IT Park to save fare, but in the process, I lost something valuable as well.
I lost my digital camera.
And it’s not actually mine, it’s my mother’s. We’ve had it since sophomore year, and I lost it here. On our trip. In Cebu City.
It’s been more than three hours since it happened, but I can’t get over the sheer stupidity. The idiocy that I displayed. I know much better than sticking my cam in the pocket of my skinny jeans, and I don’t know why I didn’t execute the proper things I should’ve done in public transportation.
The story goes like this: my camera is in the left pocket of my jeans, and a guy by my left moves over. I don’t know why he chose to sit by me when he was at the opposite side of the jeepney, but he did, and I shifted to the right, so as to not attract attention. However, it wasn’t me who was catching his attention, but rather, the camera in my pocket.
And you know how it went—me fumbling upon finding out that I’ve lost my camera—and the very same guy comments that it might have been “snatched”.
And I’m not as stupid as I seem—I know it was him. And I know I was a very, very, very unintelligent person for letting my camera dangle.
Yes, it was a Sony camera. But the memories captured there are what count the most—and that I was not alert nor responsible enough to handle that simple task—keeping the camera safe.
I’ve been torturing myself for so long now and hurting myself, leaving pinch marks on random spots on my arms, a punishment for what happened. It’s nothing permanent—but like the memory of how I lost that camera, it hurts. But eventually, it will fade.
And the thing is, this is the second time I lost something. The first was my very first phone back in sixth grade in North EDSA, and last Friday, I was THIS close to losing my Kindle as well. So this is more than a careless mistake—I’d call this a stupid act of idiocy.
My eyes are burning from the spring of tears now run dry. And I know now that writing about it won’t help, as it surely won’t bring back the camera or the shots, which my mom and I had took a lot of because it was for blogging purposes, but it feels just a Tad therapeutic. Like a temporary fix.
I know that this will replay in my mind again, and that I’ll be putting the blame on myself, and a great deal of hate on the man who took the camera, but I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven, and my mom not be mad.
And I hope the man who took it never be able to take happy pictures with something that wasn’t his.
This is definitely a lesson not learned in glee—and I don’t know if that’s necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, but maybe the worst lessons that leave the ugliest memories are the ones we learn the most from.
Will keep everyone posted.
Stay safe. Not everyone is as nice as we think.
Stay nerdy x
If we’d never met, I think I would have known my life wasn’t complete. And I would have wandered the world in search of you, even if I didn’t know who I was looking for.
Nicholas Sparks, The Longest Ride (via theworldofnicholassparks)
"A woman should be two things, classy and fabulous." —Coco Chanel
Attended a Debutante’s Party yesterday night, for the one and only Clarence Ng! Watch out for this girl guys, she’s going to be an amazing fashion icon someday. I have faith that she’ll be the next Coco Chanel.
I wish for her every happiness and more happy birthdays, of course.
And even though getting older scares me, the party sure didn’t. Had a really fun night despite diet rules ;)
There comes a time when we have to grow up, be mature and put our hearts at stake.
Luckily, today isn’t that day for me. Next month though.
Stay nerdy x
Have you ever felt any lesser than anyone?
All my life, I’ve spent every waking moment comparing myself to other people. They might have been better, they might have been worse. Even if I wasn’t fully aware what that would’ve meant, I started comparing myself, trying with all my might to see if I could measure up to them.
And the thing is, I never could.
I would always have a pound more, or a stray hair going too awry, or too clumsy for anything related to choreography. Unlike the others, who can easily fit the mold created for them.
And maybe it was kind of related to how my quest of belonging ended as well, but I always found myself comparing. Analyzing all of my traits, if I was greater or lesser, if I had a feat that stood out or something I lacked.
And it’s bad. Not only for myself, because that had led me to being self-contained and easily envious, but because I always pressured myself to exceed their already set-in-stone expectations. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing always.
But now, I’ve been seeking light and praying and reading the Bible, which is necessarily a good thing. It’s made me better. It’s like I’ve found a new thing to pursue, and it cleanses me every now and then.
I’m not saying I’m all kinds of perfect—that I’ll never revert to that. I still have my scars, and they’re not fading quickly too. What I’m saying is, I have a lighter weight on my shoulder, and it’s not dragging me too down.
I’m happier this way—how I don’t see myself measuring up to others. Yes, I may be lesser in every aspect that matters—and who cares? Picking up the piece in a speech I made, the most important thing is me, and me today.
And maybe, just maybe, this way, I’ll be happier.
Stay nerdy x
Don’t count your calories, count your blessings.
My insanely witty Mom regarding my habit of calorie counting, bringing a twist to the old adage we all know and love ❤
5 Books on Writing That Every Writer Should Read
To be a better writer, there are really only things that you need to do: Read, and write. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t read about being a writer, and that having a well-rounded understanding of how writing “works” isn’t beneficial.
These 5 books were all assigned to me as a creative writing undergrad, and all have pieces of wisdom in them that have etched themselves so thoroughly into my consciousness that I feel like they’re all floating over my head while I’m writing.
While there are loads of other great books on writing, I specifically chose these because they aren’t all just saying “here’s how I write, you should do it too”—the topics of these books are very diverse!
- Reading Like A Writer by Francine Prose: Like I said, the best thing you can do to be a better writer is read. But what does that mean? What should you read? Francine Prose (yes, that is her real last name, if you can even believe it!) helps you answer those questions, and shows how looking for certain things while you read and reread can strengthen your own writing. Check it!
- On Writing by Stephen King: This is the one book on my list that is saying “here’s how I write, you should too”. But Stephen King is basically the most prolific writer ever, so I was happy to listen to his advice. Two points of his really stuck with me: 1. Adverbs are lazy and 2. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a story is put it down for a long time—like, 6 months or a year—and come back to it with eyes so fresh that it’s like you’re editing someone else’s story. I’d be interested to know what points of his sticks with you guys!
- Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott: I posted about this the other day, but this book is like my writing Bible. In fact, a friend of mine who doesn’t even write got to reading it, and he loved it, too. Basically if you’re a human with a goal, this book will help you. And Anne Lamott writes kinda like this wise, kind mother who isn’t afraid to also tell you what’s up. Whereas a lot of other books on writing are about the actual storytelling, I like this book because it’s more about the writer’s “lifestyle”. Go get it now so that we can gush together!
- The Philosophy of Composition by Edgar Allan Poe: This is actually just an essay, but considering that Poe is often credited with being the inventor of the modern short story, I had to include it on this list. It’s in this essay that Poe famously defined a short story as one that can be told in one sitting. Whereas King’s On Writing is really “zoomed in” on topics like word choice, this essay is a high level, theoretical piece on what a story actually is. You can get it for 99 cents on Kindle, or, even better, read it as part of a collection of all of his stories… ugh, they’re SO good!!!
- Elements of Style by Strunk & White: I cannot tell you how often I’ve received this little book as a gift—for high school graduation, for college graduation, and for many Christmases and birthdays. But it’s all good because it is kinda essential for a writer to have. Elements of Style is all about—gasp!—grammar. (I should probably give it a read-through again so that I can re-center and remember my grammatical skillz, actually!) Also, there are some cute versions out now that make it seem less snore-fest-y—I really want this illustrated copy!
If you read any of these books and post quotes from them on your Tumblr, tag them #yeahwritingbooks and I’ll reblog you!
Can’t wait to pick up these books. Will come in handy for writers-to-be like me! ❤
Maybe I am a horrible person. Maybe I don’t deserve the good things.
Maybe you hate me
Look cool while riding a bike!
I’d love to pay someone in kind if they taught me how to ride a bike ❤
We can deny it as much as we want, because sooner or later, we’ll wonder why we gave up.
Why did we ever give up on us?
I’ve been in love with this song ever since it was released, and even after it was included in the COB soundtrack. It also helps that Nathan sang this with Ariana, and well, the story spun is kinda similar to mine.
Almost is never, ever enough.
Visit fitspoholic.tumblr.com to learn more about fitness and motivation. It even has a fitness apparel store. Go check it out!
Love you! thanks for the shout out!